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Apple to license Google’s Android operating system

Daniel Eran Dilger

Apple has announced plans to license Google’s Android operating system, outlining details of the new initiative in a blog post by Steve Jobs entitled “Thoughts on Google.”
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The Android Exception

“Android will give Apple an important defense to critics in the market,” Jobs wrote. “As an Android licensee, Apple won’t have to deal with critics complaining about missing features or people like Brett Arends concocting stories about how the real price of an Apple product is the price you would pay, multiplied by decades of compounded interest if you had invested that money in the stock market instead.”

Jobs said Apple’s new status as an Android licensee makes the company “bulletproof” and “essentially above criticism, the law, or reality.” No one has dared to offer any sort of realistic appraisal of Google’s Android OS since its inception, even as the search giant’s other projects crumbled into ignominy, including Answers, Base, Buzz, Catalogs, Dodgeball, GOOG-411, Jaiku, Knol, Lively, Notebook, Orkut, Page Creator, Print Ads, Sidewiki, the Nexus One, Google Video, and Wave.

With Android, Apple joins the ranks of such tech industry luminaries as Motorola, Sony Ericsson, and HTC, none of which have been been accorded the scorn they deserve for delivering third rate products with cheap deigns, poorly integrated software, features that simply don’t work at all and operating system updates that can’t seem to make it to customers within six months or more, if ever.

“Now, rather than our success being judged in contrast to all the composite sales numbers of Android licensees combined, and our technology being compared with every individual feature on each Android device ever sold,” Jobs explained, “Apple will leap to the front of the Android ecosystem, leaving even the fairly good products of Samsung looking like complete crap, at least when fairly positioned on a level playing field with what we are producing.”

Not good news for Android apps

When asked how soon Apple’s new use of Android is expected to turn around the dismal lack of third party software for the Android platform, Jobs rolled his eyes and deferred the question to Apple’s chief operations officer Tim Cook.

“Are you kidding?” Cook asked. “We’re not replacing of iOS if that’s what you’re thinking. Why would we throw away a third of a billion apps and a real software market to join the Android ecosystem and get nothing but ringtones, wallpapers and malware? Are you nuts?”

Scott Forstall, the head of Apple’s iOS, noted that Apple had no plans to modify its existing iOS plans for iPhone, iPod touch, iPad, and the larger “iPod play” the company will release this fall as a game console to obliterate the remains of mobile competition from Nintendo and Sony.

“What we are announcing is our plans to license Android,” Forstall explained. “We will be using it to deliver reference designs for embedded devices that can be built by third parties. On top of Android, we will be delivering a new product called Apple iMiddleware.”

iMiddleware

Jobs noted that LG, Samsung, Sony, Toshiba and Pioneer had already signed up to build a variety of TV, stereo, and other appliances that will incorporate the new Android-based embedded computers. On top, iMiddleware will host Apple-developed services that interact with iTunes and iOS devices, including AirPlay for media streaming and AirPrint for creating hardcopy documents.

Most devices running iMiddleware will also provide an embedded, Bonjour-discoverable web server that will automatically pop up in Safari or the mobile Safari web browser, allowing users to sense nearby appliances that expose a web-based user interface for mobile users. The web service will also support WebDAV for file sharing with Mac or iOS devices, as well as support for Lion’s new AirDrop feature for simplistic file sharing without any need for network configuration.

Embedded Android appliances running iMiddleware will also support Apple’s centralized profile management tools in Mac OS X Lion Server, allowing users to remotely configure, manage and secure their HDTV, microwave, car, home security system, and any children equipped with a iKid module.

“We’re using Android for this because we don’t have any desire to manage the core kernel of our iOS as an open source program,” Forstall said. “Imagine what a mess that would be to try to get all these corporate bureaucracies to work with us on delivering a single OS kernel that supports all of their individual needs. What a headache that would be to manage.

”Android is already a mess, so it’s a perfect fit. Just like Google, we expect everyone else to do all the work while we benefit from our thin layer of proprietary software on top. Think of iMiddleware as the ‘with Apple’ of Android.“

Google says Apple’s licensing deal was ”quite smooth“

”As an innovator, Google could not be more pleased to welcome Apple to the Android Open Handset Alliance,“ stated Google’s existing chief executive Eric Schmidt, who holds the post for another three days.

”Even though we are aware that they will only be using Android to further their own needs, and will not actually be building handsets, it’s still gratifying to see that after attempting to steal all of the value of that company when I served it as a board member, its management is still smart enough to turn the tables on us and use the open source project we are carrying to build out their own self-serving product. I am humbled.“

Devices running iMiddleware are not compatible with Android 2.x apps or the 20 titles available for Android 3.x Honeycomb. Instead, iMiddleware will consume all the available resources of the embedded device using Apple’s RAM hungry Safari technology. ”There simply won’t be any resources available for anything else,“ Forstall said. ”It will be like a Windows PC running iTunes.“

Jobs explained that he has been plotting his strategy for screwing over Google ever since he discovered that the company had set out to destroy Apple’s iPhone by giving a free mobile operating system to China. ”I’ve devoted a lot of time and effort into this plan,“ Jobs wrote in his annual blog post. ”I think I’ve lost 50 pounds just stressing about it.“

Jobs’ weight loss had earlier been attributed to an alien abduction by reporters at the National Enquirer.

27 comments

1 Seacube { 04.01.11 at 12:22 am }

Doa’h! Made me look. That’s what I get for staying up past midnight. :-)

2 worker201 { 04.01.11 at 12:39 am }

Dammit, it’s only 9:30 in Hawaii! I was wondering why there was no link to the blog post…

3 Zeta2099 { 04.01.11 at 12:45 am }

Doh! forgot the date XD

4 ashu4u { 04.01.11 at 2:03 am }

WOW. Nobody else could’ve made Such a detailed one.

5 Ludor { 04.01.11 at 4:01 am }

Here’s a dollar says Apple will be first with Star Wars style hologram displays.

6 tonortall { 04.01.11 at 4:50 am }

So transparent as to be idiotic. The whole premise of an April Fool’s day jokes is to suck a person into a ruse. Here, just a shameless dig which is no different from any other DED article. This is, frankly, retarded, and misses the whole point.

Apple permitting sideloading of apps? Almost believable.
iPad 3D? Getting There
OS X adopting curated AppStore model exclusively – that would have sucked me in.

[Oh those are witty ideas. Perhaps you should post them on your blog and I'll come and leave comments about how clever you are for fooling everyone, me included, on April 1. Just like Google and all of its FUNNY ideas that go up on April 1. I forgot that misleading people was the whole point, and that there was only one way to do things: your way. I'll try to keep things in line from here out, closely following the criticism of anonymous people who occasionally comment on my blog and working hard to please them in any way possible. You aren't, perhaps, a humorist for a feminist bookstore are you? You seem so serious and angry about having fun - Dan ]

7 OneGeV { 04.01.11 at 8:02 am }

You left out a very important part:
“…will consume all the available resources of the embedded device using Apple’s RAM hungry Safari technology.” Apple also announced plans to run Flash with iOS Safari, as soon as they release the new iPhone with liquid-cooled G5 Cell processor to replace the A5 chip.

8 VeoSotano { 04.01.11 at 8:29 am }

I thought I would be rickrolled or something when I clicked on the link… this was WAY better!

9 weeraanmelden { 04.01.11 at 9:05 am }

Glad to see you back! (even when it’s a clear april fools)
Can’t wait for thoughts/comments on RIM and Microsoft news of yesterday on iPad/Tablet VP remarks.

10 GQB { 04.01.11 at 10:59 am }

I’ve got an even better one…
“Daniel Eran Dilger today announced that he would return to publishing fresh, frequent content to his blog ‘Roughly Drafted’.

11 kdaeseok { 04.01.11 at 12:56 pm }

Boring… anything new?

12 relativity { 04.01.11 at 1:27 pm }

Why not “roughly” draft an elaborate Fool’s Day article with a title, “iPhone outselling the HTC Thunderbolt 2-to-1!!!”… Oh wait…

13 tonortall { 04.01.11 at 1:28 pm }

[Oh those are witty ideas. Perhaps you should post them on your blog and I'll come and leave comments about how clever you are for fooling everyone, me included, on April 1. Just like Google and all of its FUNNY ideas that go up on April 1. I forgot that misleading people was the whole point, and that there was only one way to do things: your way. I'll try to keep things in line from here out, closely following the criticism of anonymous people who occasionally comment on my blog and working hard to please them in any way possible. You aren't, perhaps, a humorist for a feminist bookstore are you? You seem so serious and angry about having fun - Dan ]

Touchy much? FWIW, I don’t have a blog, nor do I purport to be a blogger, or something. I’m not putting anything out there for consumption. You are.

If this is supposed to be an April Fool’s joke, the joke is clearly on you.

14 Jim F. { 04.01.11 at 1:52 pm }

Bravo Daniel… We have missed you. trolls should be ignored- leave them to their bridges.

15 jmfree { 04.01.11 at 2:17 pm }

tonortall is, frankly, retarded, and misses the whole point.

After publishing reams and reams and reams of solid technical and market analysis FOR FREE, Daniel is at liberty to have fun in any way he pleases.

And tonortall has no say in the matter.

Frustrating yes, but only to those who somehow believe that DED owes them something.

Please, Dan, wipe tonortall’s ass for him and thank him for the privilege, won’t you? That’s how he thinks the world works.

16 Mike { 04.01.11 at 2:48 pm }

You should also note that Steve Wozniak also wants back in, after 20 years of being shut out from Apple. And iMiddleWare, what a horrible name, you could’ve come up the name like iAndroid. But that would bring back memories of i, Robot. Not that would be a bad thing, having robot overlords. And Transformers, because anything is possible. Not to mention Apple now being bought out by Google since Google has decided to subsidize the manufacture of free amazing hardware for everyone on the planet.

17 Mike { 04.01.11 at 2:49 pm }

But yes, much better than being rickrolled. That is so 2000s behavior.

BTW, what happened to the iMicrowave, the iRack, and the iRan? ;)

18 JacktheMac { 04.01.11 at 4:07 pm }

Ho Ho Ho

Dan, would you respond to my email regarding my donation to Roughly Drafted ? Sorry to bring this up here but it’s been a while.

JTM

19 Zeta2099 { 04.01.11 at 4:27 pm }

lol keeping on subject anyone wants to see a sexy blonde working her abs?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFWnn5UTnTc&feature=watch_response
:P

20 John E { 04.01.11 at 4:46 pm }

iKid – now you’re talking.

if Apple could do that, it would rule the world and be bigger than all the oil companies combied.

evan MS is making money just by giving them an excuse to jump around a lot – Kinect.

21 relativity { 04.01.11 at 6:06 pm }

This is an April Fool’s Joke! :D

Link to J.o.T.
http://www.geekculture.com/joyoftech/joyarchives/1523.html

That’s creative imagination at work RDM readers…

22 Joe Sa { 04.01.11 at 8:30 pm }
23 OneGeV { 04.02.11 at 4:53 am }

“And iMiddleWare, what a horrible name, you could’ve come up the name like iAndroid.”

Yeah, but iAndroid sounds like something Microsoft would come up with, claiming that they have created something entirely new that is completely unlike the generic-and-should-not-be-trademarked iOS and Android.

At first I thought iMid might be better. But I think the “iD” (short for imidDleware) sounds Jobsean!

24 harrywolf { 04.03.11 at 4:36 pm }

Funny and well-written as usual.
Daniel E. Dilger, the only pundit with a brain!
Good show on Tech Nite Owl, too – I can see why Gene always invites you back.

25 tonortall { 04.05.11 at 3:27 am }

jmfree: [tonortall is, frankly, retarded, and misses the whole point.]

the “point” of an April Fool’s joke is to seduce someone into believing something that is not true. Ideally, a hint is left. The point of April Fools’ is not to be funny – if it were so, it would be April Funnies Day. Anyone who needs an excuse to be funny is, frankly, retarded.

[After publishing reams and reams and reams of solid technical and market analysis FOR FREE, Daniel is at liberty to have fun in any way he pleases.]

Indeed, but it’s not an April Fools’ joke, which is what I was pointing out. Nor, as DED so correctly puts it, are those things from Google, whatever they were.

[And tonortall has no say in the matter.]

And nor did I suggest I did.

[Frustrating yes, but only to those who somehow believe that DED owes them something.]

DED doesn’t owe me anything. He knows that. I know that. I’m sorry I called out what I thought was a poor April Fools’ joke. Of course, the only opinion that matters is one consonant with the good blogger. Whatever.

[Please, Dan, wipe tonortall’s ass for him and thank him for the privilege, won’t you? That’s how he thinks the world works]

You draw quite a few assumptions without really knowing anything. Sorry for disagreeing. I didn’t find it funny and I said so quite strongly. Call me a troll, but I wasn’t trying to provoke a response simply for the sake of it – which is the classical troll definition. I gave my reasons for my criticism and I am sorry YOU can’t see that past your one-eyedview of the world.

DED – if it suits, you can cancel this account.

26 masternav { 04.05.11 at 8:16 am }

@tonortall, it is merely your preference that as you put it {the “point” of an April Fool’s joke is to seduce someone into believing something that is not true. Ideally, a hint is left. The point of April Fools’ is not to be funny – if it were so, it would be April Funnies Day. Anyone who needs an excuse to be funny is, frankly, retarded.] No where is April Fool’s humor designated as requiring such narrowly-defined deception as a primary requisite for an April Fool’s joke or prank.

Whether or not you either agree with, enjoy, disagree with or deplore the joke is largely immaterial. What is truly amusing is that you would go to such lengths to defend a completely untenable opinion about April Fool’s humor expressed as disapproval of DED’s humorous entry. Just stop. We all realise you have no sense of humor and all the jollity of a spectacularly bad root canal. That perception requires none of the tedious reinforcement your subsequent posts provided.

27 The Mad Hatter { 04.06.11 at 9:16 pm }

Only thing that could be better would be if they licensed Windows Phone 7. Wait – they could license Windows Phone 7. Install it, Android, Meego, Ubuntu, and IOS all on the same hardware. Just think of what that would do to the competition!

They’d be totally devastated by confusion.

Wayne

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