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Chronicles of Conflict: the History of Adobe vs. Apple

Daniel Eran Dilger

If you didn’t know any better, you might think this whole Apple vs Adobe thing blew up out of nowhere because Steve Jobs woke up one morning with a stiff neck and decided to take it out on Adobe. Those of you who imagine there might be more to it than that that might like to reminisce with a little walk down tech history lane.

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The Genesis of Adobe

In the beginning, Xerox PARC created the graphical desktop. The personal computer was yet formless and empty, and darkness was upon the face of its software development. And then the money of Xerox moved to and fro upon the waters of innovation and PARC said, let there be icons and windows and Ethernet and SmallTalk object oriented development. And lo, there was a $15,000 workstation, and Xerox saw the Alto, and that it was good.

And then Steve Jobs saw the Alto, and he convinced Xerox to invest a million dollars in Apple. And Jobs said that Apple would commercialize Xerox’ technology and make the company rich on its investment. And thus Apple created Macintosh, which then attracted engineers from Xerox who joined Apple in order to work on products that might actually turn into something a person might actually see in the real world and not just in a PARC lab.

And then Apple released Macintosh to the people, and it wasn’t entirely clear what the new graphical computer for regular people could do. And then Steve Jobs saw PostScript, a language created by Xerox engineers who had left PARC to form Adobe Systems. And Jobs said, look! you must take PostScript and make it the language of laser printers, so that common people can create wonderful type and high resolution graphics, and it will be driven by the Macintosh.

And so Adobe licensed PostScript to Apple, and Apple shipped the LaserWriter as the first printer with a sophisticated language for describing typography and graphics, and thus verily the Macintosh and the LaserWriter brought forth desktop publishing, and the world observed and saw that it was good, and Macintosh enjoyed its first killer app. And the people rejoiced.

And then Steve Jobs left Apple to form NeXT, and he licensed Adobe’s PostScript as the language of the entire graphical desktop, so what the user saw on the screen was identical to what was printed out on paper, and it was Display PostScript, and it was good.

An Exodus from the Enslavement to Adobe

And money flowed into desktop publishing. And Adobe began to sell PostScript Type 1 fonts to publishers with Macintoshes, and it charged prohibitively high rates for Type 1 fonts and for its PostScript language.

And Apple’s countenance began to fall at Adobe’s greed, and so Apple visited Microsoft in the late 80s and proposed TrueType as an alternative format to Adobe’s expensive fonts, and Microsoft bought TrueImage and proposed to Apple that it license its PostScript-clone language as an alternative to PostScript.

And Adobe saw the writing on the wall and begged Apple not to leave and Apple agreed to keep licensing PostScript for its laser printers, but the Mac OS and Windows both began using Apple’s TrueType and fonts thus became affordable to mere mortals. And TrueType begat OpenType and never again did anyone pay huge sums for Adobe Type 1 fonts again.

Numbers of Adobe Applications

And Adobe had created Illustrator to draw on the Macintosh in 1987, and then purchased Photoshop to paint on photos on the Macintosh in 1990, and then created Premiere to edit movies on the Macintosh in 1991. And in 1994 Adobe merged with Aldus to acquire its 1986 PageMaker for desktop publishing on the Macintosh and its 1993 After Effects for motion graphics on the Macintosh. And in 1995 Adobe bought Frame to acquire its 1990 FrameMaker for building long documents on the Macintosh.

And Adobe began to notice that Windows was selling to large numbers of commodity PC makers, and it was tempted by the volume of its user base, and it sinned against Apple which had caused its birth and wealth, and it began having relations with Windows and lost interest in the Macintosh and told its user base to move to Windows because it was comely and good for use.

And Apple pleaded with Adobe to use its new technologies, saying, lo, we have created QuickDraw GX to perform complex typography and printing, and QuickDraw 3D for modeling, and PowerTalk for messaging. And Adobe ignored Apple and laughed at its plight, and Apple wept bitterly as its operating system roadmap collapsed. And Apple went looking for a new strategy to stave off death, and happened upon Steve Jobs and his NeXT Software, and Apple said, you must be our savior and Jobs reluctantly agreed to sell NeXT to Apple and see what the company would do with it.

And then Jobs grew excited with what might happen, and he usurped the leadership of Apple, and visited Adobe again with his combined portfolio of NeXT and Apple. And Adobe said verily to Apple, pay us 30 pieces of silver that we may port our applications to your operating system. And Adobe demanded huge royalties for Display PostScript.

And Jobs brought his operating system to Macromedia and then Microsoft, and they all scoffed at the idea of porting their apps to a new and unproven operating system, and thus Apple was forced to start over and develop a legacy API called Carbon to enable their old code to work on the new operating system. And Apple removed Display PostScript and created a new imaging model based on PDF, which Adobe had released as an open specification. And so Apple no longer needed to pay Adobe royalties for Display PostScript.

And Jobs returned to the developers after working on Mac OS X for five years and said, lo, we have created all you have asked for, and your old code will work natively if you only do some simple Carbonization work, and look! we have done this ourselves with the Finder. And in 2001, Macromedia brought forth a Carbonized Freehand and Microsoft brought forth a Carbonized Office v.X. But Adobe sat on its hands and refused to Carbonize most of its apps for several years.

And in 2002, Adobe released InDesign for Mac OS X before QuarkXPress, making Adobe the second to the last major Mac developer to support Apple’s new operating system. Adobe then ported AfterEffects and GoLive in 2002, but didn’t port Acrobat, Photoshop, or Illustrator for Mac OS X until the end of 2003 as part of Creative Suite. In 2003 Adobe also canceled Premiere and FrameMaker for the Mac, and focused all new development on Windows. And Adobe made great money from Mac users on Creative Suite, and CS2 in 2005.

And in 2005, Adobe bought Macromedia. And that same year Apple said, lo, we have ported Mac OS X to Intel, and we shall verily migrate the Macintosh to Intel in 2006. And Adobe joined Apple on stage and said this was good. And then for a year Adobe said it would not update Creative Suite 2 or its Macromedia Studio 8 suite to run on Intel Macs natively. And then Adobe did finally release Creative Suite 3 as a Universal Binary in the spring of 2007. And Apple was greatly annoyed.

Adobe Judges Mac Ruthlessly

And Adobe reviewed its resources for Macromedia’s Flash, and it assigned a development team of four full time employees to maintain development of the Windows version of Flash Player. For the Mac version, it had a half time assignment for one employee who was not a Mac expert. And so Flash Player for Mac continued to be unstable and serve as the number one cause of crashes system wide for Mac OS X, and would regularly consume 100% of the Mac’s CPU in a spin lock while idle. And the people blamed Apple, and Apple was greatly annoyed.

And sources within Apple reported, “anyone who’s ever written threaded code can tell you that this is a brain-dead beginner mistake. They finally fixed this a couple of months ago, after years of Apple engineers telling them to get their act together.”

And Flash for Mac was so terrible that Apple was forced to develop a mechanism to isolate the Safari plugin in Snow Leopard so that when it crashed it would not always kill Safari, as Flash was verily an awful piece of software. And Adobe did not care, because Flash Player was free, and it planned to make its money from Windows and to simply use Mac users to sell them slightly rewarmed, high priced versions of Creative Suite apps on a regular basis, just like Microsoft and its Office suite.

Lamentations over iPhone

And then in 2007 Adobe noticed that Apple had created the iPhone, and that it was comely in appearance. And Adobe longed to have Flash on the iPhone, for it wanted its HTML alternative to cover the entire Earth. And Apple said no, your desktop version of Flash is too unstable and too big, and your Flash Lite version is not good enough and will not run the Flash content users expect. And Adobe told the people that Flash for iPhone was right around the corner and that it was working with Apple, but this was not true at all. And the people waited.

And then iPhone users began to forget about Flash, and began to consume more than half of the Earth’s mobile web traffic, and Adobe began to panic because it lusted after mobile licensing fees for Flash. And Adobe grew embarrassed and fashioned fig leaves for itself after recognizing its nakedness, and Steve Jobs banished Adobe from the Garden of iPhone.

And Adobe wept bitterly and its days were frustrated and its nights were filled with terrors, and the work of its hands bore little fruit as Flash Player for mobile only worked on Android and webOS and some vaporware mobile product Microsoft planned to release sometime in the future. And Apple said no, the iPhone will not ever run Flash for we do not want to be enslaved to your platform, for we have worked with W3C partners to develop HTML5 as a way to deliver rich interactive content, and do not need Flash anymore.

And Adobe cursed Apple and Steve Jobs and made great noises and gnashed its teeth and ripped its garments apart and scraped its festering boils with shards of pottery. And Steve Jobs did not listen. And so Adobe said we shall build a tower to heaven, and our Flash Professional shall create an army of App Store titles based on Flash games, and Creative Suite 5 shall trump Steve Jobs and his refusal to license Flash Player. And Steve Jobs looked down upon the tower and he confused their languages with SDK section 3.3.1 and interest in Flash Professional CS5 was scattered.

A Revelation of Adobe

And Adobe saw four horsemen of the apocalypse ascending from the sea, the the rider of the white horse was Steve Jobs and he was bent on conquest. And a second horse, red, was given to iPhone to take away market share from smartphones, and to cause phone makers to wage war and to fall upon their own swords. And a third horse, black, was carrying the scales of the iPod touch, and it measured out music playback from iTunes and sold many apps and starved other mobile platforms of mobile application demand. And fourth horse, pale, had a rider named iPad, which pundits called Death. And it caused famine for tablets and plague for slates and killed with a sword. And none of the horsemen used Flash.

And Adobe frightfully woke from its vision of terrors, and realized that its days of monopolizing the web with Flash content were over. And Adobe began creating new apps for iPhone and for iPod touch and for iPad, and began porting its Creative Suite to Cocoa as Steve Jobs had asked it to do ten years ago. And Adobe continued to develop Lightroom and Adobe earned profits for its efforts.

And then Adobe began building HTML5 development tools, and it charged reasonable prices and built cross platform products and the people rejoiced and Adobe’s death was spared and it lived comfortably for many days next to Apple. And Steve Jobs said thank you and Adobe said no, thank you. And they all lived happily ever after.

66 comments

1 Dorian { 04.14.10 at 2:54 am }

Thank you. “And none of the horsemen used Flash.” This is too funny

2 Khürt Williams { 04.14.10 at 3:47 am }

“And people were thankful for they had been led from a life of slavery and into the promised land.”

The best blog posting I have read today.

3 Ed { 04.14.10 at 3:58 am }

Brilliant!

4 kerryb { 04.14.10 at 3:59 am }

I was with you until you got into the 4 horsemen, good job.

5 hominid { 04.14.10 at 4:11 am }

Made my (very early) morning! Verily

6 MoBurkhardt { 04.14.10 at 4:22 am }

EPIC! Thank you mclean.. err i mean Daniel.

Best part: “And Steve Jobs looked down upon the tower and he confused their languages with SDK section 3.3.1 and interest in Flash Professional CS5 was scattered.”

7 studiodave { 04.14.10 at 4:48 am }

I am going to print this as a poster for my wall. I had to pick myself up off the floor after each section and wipe the tears of laughter before I could go on to the next section. I do remember all these references as they happened.

8 Chronicles of Conflict: the History of Adobe vs. Apple « iNewIT { 04.14.10 at 4:51 am }

[...] of Conflict: the History of Adobe vs. Apple Chronicles of Conflict: the History of Adobe vs. Apple And Adobe reviewed its resources for Macromedia’s Flash, and it assigned a development team of [...]

9 Yossef { 04.14.10 at 5:02 am }

Good piece Daniel. כל הכבוד Can you rewrite it in hebrew ?

10 Berend Schotanus { 04.14.10 at 5:20 am }

The epic story of Silicon Valley!

Hardcover, TV-show and movie versions will follow later this year ;-)

11 Chas { 04.14.10 at 5:33 am }

Outstanding! I wish the mainstream media were as insightful

=:~)

12 kakil { 04.14.10 at 5:40 am }

Absolutely one of your best posts of all time!

13 JohnWatkins { 04.14.10 at 5:44 am }

Thank you for your submission Mr. Dilger,
We are unable to accept it at this time but would welcome an updated resubmission.
As you are well aware, for the last ten years our submission guidelines have clearly stated our intentions to use exclusively Revised Standard Version (RSV) style. Your submission is in the King James Version (KJV) style which (although poetic in an antiquated way) is outdated, inefficient, creates an inferior and inconsistent user experience, and uses mental resources inefficiently. It is no longer supported.
Our KJV interpreting framework (Bore-on) was meant as a helpful transition tool to allow you time to make the transition to RSV, but it still caries forward the inefficiencies of KJV to our modern offerings (X-mOS, Jesus Phone, Jesus Pad, etc.) When you have fully transitioned using the modern RSV API’s (the EggNogg framework) we will be happy to reconsider your submission.

;-)

14 hzc { 04.14.10 at 5:51 am }

Excellent article! I wished you mentioned in the timeline the year when Apple asked Adobe to port their apps to Cocoa instead of only mentioning in at the end. That is, it would have been clearer if you detailed along the way when Carbon and Cocoa were born, so we could see what Adobe was up to at those time periods.

From what I could gather, I’m guessing that when Adobe started to carbonize their apps, Cocoa was already available. Is that correct?

Again, I loved the article. Great writing, very entertaining.

15 ericgen { 04.14.10 at 6:06 am }

Ah! I love the smell of satire in the morning!

Wonderful!

16 Scooteristi { 04.14.10 at 6:16 am }

@hzc, was “Jobs reluctantly agreed to sell NeXT to Apple and see what the company would do with it.

And then Jobs grew excited with what might happen, and he usurped the leadership of Apple, and visited Adobe again with his combined portfolio of NeXT and Apple. And Adobe said verily to Apple, pay us 30 pieces of silver that we may port our applications to your operating system,” unclear?

17 iLogic { 04.14.10 at 7:10 am }

Indeed Daniel, “you are a prophet to our people, for you did not bow to the image of gold which the king Microsoftnezzar hath made” and “in all the land there was not found someone like Daniel who could explain the writing on the wall to the King of Silycon”

This was fantastic Daniel – Love the 4 horsemen.

Please do it again sometime.

18 beetle { 04.14.10 at 7:17 am }

Very nice!

19 scotty321 { 04.14.10 at 8:15 am }

AWESOME!!!

Love the part about “prohibitively high” rates for Type 1 fonts, because ALL OF ADOBE’S PRODUCTS are priced prohibitively high. They are the most greedy software company out there.

It is in Adobe’s DNA to RIP OFF THE CUSTOMER.

Look at the ridiculously high price of Adobe Photoshop. That is why I have moved all of my workflow over to Pixelmator instead.

Adobe can kiss my ass. I will NEVER buy another Adobe product again. Fsck Adobe!

20 gus2000 { 04.14.10 at 8:22 am }

Now all you need to do is create a Ken Burns slideshow of biblical illustrations intermixed with tech photos, and then read this aloud “William Shatner” style as a voiceover. That’s a YouTube hit.

Clearly you borrowed heavily from the book of Genesis, but how did you manage to pick up a Bible without it catching on fire?

21 batfart { 04.14.10 at 8:27 am }

That was great.

22 Aframe { 04.14.10 at 8:27 am }

And that concludes today’s reading from the Book of Jobs ….

Miraculously, the Biblical style is almost more understandable than the Authorised Version.

Is there a timeline for that? Seriously, showing when Apple released various devices and when Macromedia, Adobe and Apple released various software will illustrate when there was an opportunity for Flash to realistically work on an iPhone or iPad.

23 gctwnl { 04.14.10 at 8:44 am }

Brilliant! Had me ROTFL. Beautiful! Daniel, this was a pastiche worthy of the blogging hall of fame. Adobe ‘lusted’ after fees. Excellent.

This now takes the #1 spot after the Fool’s Day Cloning of Steve Jobs (with creating fonts as the ROTFL-moment).

One typo: “we shall built” probably was intended as “we shall build”

24 s_ba { 04.14.10 at 8:52 am }

The Book of Job reference with Adobe’s festering boils is my favourite.

25 macomaniac { 04.14.10 at 8:57 am }

Brilliant, you made my day… it is one of the best pieces of satire ever…
But imho the end will be more an ongoing war, at least we will see if Adobe really press charges against Apple…
Keep up the good work Dan.

26 Ringgo { 04.14.10 at 9:28 am }

I want to see this piece of writing win the next Pulitzer Prize.

http://www.pulitzer.org/online-eligibility-announcement

Or the Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.

http://www.kennedy-center.org/programs/specialevents/marktwain/

27 geoffrobinson { 04.14.10 at 9:42 am }

Great article.

If I had to guess, current Apple policies aren’t so much about getting back at Adobe. They seem to be about preventing a repeat of the Carbon situation from a decade ago.

28 TheMacAdvocate { 04.14.10 at 9:55 am }

This was awesome. Gave me some nasty Catholic school flashbacks, but still awesome. One of your best ever.

29 Don216 { 04.14.10 at 10:11 am }

For some reason you left out a passage…

And it came to pass that Adobe knew that although Mac users were hungry for high quality software, they would still use Flash on the internet. And they would go slow. And they would crash. And they would accept it whenever and wherever it was found.

But a disciple of the Jobs named Jonathan ‘Wolf’ Rentzsch saw what Flash was doing to Mac users of the internet and thought, “Lo, this is not good.” And it came to pass that Wolf did createth ClickToFlash. And with it Mac users were able to avoid all of the useless and overplayed uses of Flash and choose to observe Flash animations, ads, and videos only when they wanted and not when Adobe demanded. And so it was that Mac users’ CPU usage stayed at normal levels when browsing the web. Web browsing remained speedy, Mac laptops don’t get as hot, Mac fans didn’t come on as often and battery life improved. And Mac users were grateful for that tried ClickToFlash by the thousands and lo, it was good.

30 macomaniac { 04.14.10 at 10:37 am }

@ Don216:
I use ClickTo Flash, but I disagree with you this is not the solution. Everybody is complaining about the freedom of choice, but where is my freedom of choice by being forced to install a third-party-plug-in whether I want to watch or I want to block the content of the webpage. Where is the freedom of choice choosing between having an overloaded webpage with Flash or just pure HTML??? And where is my freedom of choice where I can choose which application/plugin I use to watch the content??? It’s all about Adobe’s market share and they’re loosing ground and control. The development of the Flashplayer is imho comparable to the devfreeze of IE 6 over a couple of years. Instead of blaming Apple they rather should develop software which works properly. They should do their homework before they blame other Companies for being declared as obsolete.

31 stefn { 04.14.10 at 10:38 am }

Can we conclude that Adobe will, in the end, know itself?

32 jon1 { 04.14.10 at 11:04 am }

And he saw that caffeine was good…

33 benlewis { 04.14.10 at 11:10 am }

I would love to insert “the mainstream tech press” for “Adobe” in this passage: “And Adobe cursed Apple and Steve Jobs and made great noises and gnashed its teeth and ripped its garments apart and scraped its festering boils with shards of pottery” and maybe add something about the braying of donkeys and chattering of monkeys. You are without equal – thank you, thank you!

34 The Genesis of Apple v. Adobe – M3 { 04.14.10 at 11:14 am }

[...] roughlydrafted.com. The entire entry is an excellent read of the birth of Adobe and their tenuous relationship with Apple over the [...]

35 Maniac { 04.14.10 at 11:17 am }

“And then Adobe began building HTML5 development tools”

Really? I certainly hope so for Adobe’s sake. If Adobe makes an HTML5 tool, and if it’s as easy to use as whatever tool those Flash “developers” use, then they can switch over to HTML5 and never know the difference.

Adobe’s strength, if there is one, would be in their tools. Not in their old-school proprietary media formats (PDF, Flash, whatever.) This is why Apple is banning cross-compiled Apps. It prevents Adobe’s tools from becoming a meta-platform that iPhone OS and Android and WinPho 7 need to conform to. It prevents iPhone OS developers from resorting to lowest common denominator programming techniques because the Adobe tools force them to.

36 DesperateDan { 04.14.10 at 11:17 am }

I read Gruber ripping you a new one this morning on the Android kill task subject, only to meekly admit later that maybe he was a tiny bit wrong in the first place. Turns out that he might not be the Second Coming after all. Self-important twat of a man…

Another great piece Dan, brilliant stuff. I picture you as the guy sitting at the back of the class who gets just about everything right but stays quite quiet, while Gruber and his chums at the front in the ‘in’ crowd, talk shit all day, in a really loud voice, and for some reason seem to get a lot of respect from all the other kids. As we would say in sunny Scotland, ‘arseholes’.

37 Steve W { 04.14.10 at 11:32 am }

Brilliant!

If you do decide to publish an Revised Standard Version, you might want to describe the Original Sin (just hinted at in your KJV). Steve Jobs failed to offer John Warnock and Robert Metcalfe jobs when he visited Xerox Parc in 1979.

You might also include the story of MacDraw and MacProject.

38 worker201 { 04.14.10 at 1:32 pm }

Verily I have witnessed much of this with mine own eyes, and Adobe’s treatment of Apple leaves me disgusted. Forsooth, I long to cast Adobe aside. But lo, I dare not – because Illustrator is a damn near perfect program, and it has no real competitors. So I shall continue to gnash my teeth and rend my garments every time an unfixable incompatibility appears.

39 Rup { 04.14.10 at 2:21 pm }

Hi Dan/John/Job,
You’re a brilliant writer; bravo !
I like your version of “the end of this world as we know it” …

Rup

40 Imapolicecar { 04.14.10 at 2:42 pm }

@geoffrobinson

If I had to guess, current Apple policies aren’t so much about getting back at Adobe. They seem to be about preventing a repeat of the Carbon situation from a decade ago
———————————-
Yeah. It has to be that Jobs has seen the pattern emerge and is not “getting back” at anyone. That’s a waste of resources you could put to more profitable use (literally). Apple, with all its faults, is basically still a profit organisation that believes it makes superior products that work well (as long as you are not an early adopter) for consumers (and in the case of Macs for everyone – geeks inkooded).

I think that Jobs has seen Apple effectively jump start Microsoft and Adobe only to be tossed aside when MS and Adobe realised they can make bigger profits elsewhere. However, having let these two companies into Apple’s garden it makes sense for Apple’s future (now that it is back in profit and looks as if it will continue to create products with a large consumer demand) to wall off their garden and control access to it. Apple basically don’t want to be held to random again with Photoshop/Office/whatever. Hence, iWorks. Yes it isn’t as accepted as Office (but I prefer Pages and Keynote to Word and PP although I have yet to prefer Numbers to Excel). In fact, Pages is one of the best DTP apps I have ever used. It will allow Mac users to cut the strings if MS ever pull out completely. Also, GIMP (not that I use it much) can be a cheap, (as in free) pretty good Photoshop replacement except for the high end professional.

Of course, this walled garden analogy isn’t mine. You can read it all over the tech and newsblog pages. It appears that it really upsets some people – not many that I have any sympathy with at all. For every positive comment you read about the iPhone or iPad or whatever there is always a poster (who has ‘used a Mac/iphone/insert your Apple product here) and claims it’s not as good/as cheap as any other MS/open source product (although they mostly let themselves down by giving an example which indicates they haven’t been near any Apple product in a trillion years).
The geek squad is out claiming that Apple sucks because you just can’t change the OS to Linux and that the walled gardens constrain choice. TBH these people are idiots. I like geeks. I often moonlight as one. But these are idiot geeks (iGeeks) who one minute slag Macs off because they are too expensive and they would never buy one (although you can run a dozen OS’s on a Mac very easily) and then claim that the iThing is locked and you can’t install a decent operating system on it.

The iGeeks I think are either shills or stupid. They would never fork out for the hardware even if they could install Linux on it. They just want the whole world to be KDE/Gnome. One big open source monopoly where you have anything you want as long as you persuade someone to code it for you or you code it yourself. I have loved the ideas behind opensource for decades now. I have a hacker mentality. I’ve built my own computers and transport (and I mean from scraps and but not assemble for pre-made parts) and it was great to do. But these days when I want to do work efficiently and to a high standard or get from A to B, I want something reliable. Currently, that means closed source – MS or Apple. I also don’t want my BMW to be open source. I want it to work so I don’t want to hack my car’s computers. Perhaps all the iGeeks would like to moan on auto pages about the walled gardens of cars, microwaves, TVs, fridges and monitors. I thought not. They’re just out to stir the shit because they are indignant about sweet FA.

Sorry … rambled there. Upshot is … Apple don’t want to be reliant on anyone else again and don’t want to be shafted royally as in the past.

————–

@Maniac
This is why Apple is banning cross-compiled Apps. It prevents Adobe’s tools from becoming a meta-platform that iPhone OS and Android and WinPho 7 need to conform to.
————–

Exactly :)

————–
@stefn
Can we conclude that Adobe will, in the end, know itself?
————–
Lol. I assume you mean in the Biblical sense?

————–
@Daniel

And thanks for a very entertaining piece of writing.

And so it was that Apple son of Jobs and Wozniak came home and they slaughtered the fattened dogcow and feasted. And Jobs looked into the distance and said iSee something big for Apple. And so it came to pass that the iMac, iTunes, iLife, iPhone, iPod and iPad came to be. And they went forth and multiplied to create iMagination.

41 clochard42 { 04.14.10 at 3:09 pm }

Great post, Daniel.

42 cy_starkman { 04.14.10 at 4:19 pm }

Daniel,

That is your most inspired piece yet. Pure gold, how long did it take you to write?

43 danieleran { 04.14.10 at 4:25 pm }

I cranked it out last night pretty quickly. Someone wrote me asking how long I took to look up all these references from various books. Well it didn’t take any time at all because I have the entire Bible in my brain, burned into my synapses by a childhood of lecturing and whippings. Somehow I survived.

44 ghostspook { 04.14.10 at 5:30 pm }

“And fourth horse, pale, had a rider named iPad, which pundits called Death. And it caused famine for tablets and plague for slates and killed with a sword.”

Hilarious and brilliant! Verily.

45 jurgencm { 04.14.10 at 5:56 pm }

Hi Darin,

love your comments and your “essays”. My son who went to catholic school would love the piece.
For everyone else, support Darin via PayPal.
Whenever I see his writing on Macsurfer I’m happy to click on his link

46 rale { 04.14.10 at 7:08 pm }

Daniel-

I only recently stumbled upon you blog and immediately added you to my RSS feed. This was one of the best AND funniest blog posts ever. I nearly choked on lunch today.

Thanks for paying close attention during Sunday School…. it has paid off!

47 GeorgeFromNY { 04.14.10 at 8:34 pm }

Daniel,

I noticed your Genesis has PARC and the Mac, but not the Lisa. What happened? Is it the “Lilith” of this tale? ;)

48 MipWrangler { 04.14.10 at 9:27 pm }

Brilliantly written. Well done!

49 cadillac88 { 04.15.10 at 12:37 am }

Awesome account. I never pegged you as creative writer. This was laugh out loud funny and informative at the same time. You must have been in a different mood when you wrote this. Very nice. I especially liked the fairy tale ending which of course we all know is much to good to be true.
Very best regards.

50 jomi { 04.15.10 at 6:17 am }

Thanks for this article, you definitely made my day!

I do agree with Don216 on Click2Flash: I have it, use it, love it.

@Daniel: “I have the entire Bible in my brain, burned into my synapses by a childhood of lecturing and whippings.”
I’m sorry for you!

51 John { 04.15.10 at 8:43 am }

I really enjoyed this, Dan. Very entertaining ……

…… and informative!

52 pa { 04.15.10 at 1:08 pm }

I can’t be so optimistic about the ending. It would be better if a another company would emerge to replace Adobe.

53 ysysarchitect { 04.15.10 at 5:41 pm }

Dan,

Brilliant writing! I continue to recommend your blog, great writing!

:-)

I see the scriptures are silent on how Steve Ballmer or Bill Gates fit into this story, but who knows, maybe that can be revealed too! :-)

54 Buzz Lightyear { 04.15.10 at 11:21 pm }

Awesome! In the stratosphere, Dan! :D

This piece here should be nominated for the Best Blog Post Award 2010 in the creative journalism genre (only if there was one). Perhaps one of your readers or yourself can start one. Just a thought…

55 mrfezzywig { 04.17.10 at 3:22 am }

Ok. So it’s REALLY sac-religious… but I laughed my ass off!!!

56 nowhereman { 04.17.10 at 5:43 am }

Dan:

Truly one of your best. Hilarious and informative – a great mix.

@stefn:
Nice touché on Adobe ‘knowing itself’.

57 Neil Anderson { 04.17.10 at 9:18 am }

Exceptional!

58 bonze { 04.17.10 at 10:50 pm }

Lord, I do loathe Flash, and by implication all things Adobe, but if this sunny scenario should come to pass I know that my heart shall be full of forgiveness for misdeeds past…

…but you will get me to give up GIMP and pay $$$ for Photoshop when you pry the cash from my cold dead fingers…

And note: Installing Flash 10.0.45.2 on my machine Flash started eating 80% of my CPU cycles, pretty much all the time, under 10.6.2 and 10.6.3. After installing the latest Security Update, this moderated dramatically, so folk, do not put off installing that update; it will yield unexpected dividends.

59 enzos { 04.18.10 at 1:41 am }

Thanks, Bonze. Thought the Macbook was running cooler after the security update.

60 gslusher { 04.18.10 at 4:04 am }

To add a bit: Adobe didn’t just screw over the “pros” who used Macs. They did a number on us lowly amateurs who didn’t want to spend a fortune on CS3. Photoshop Elements is enough for most non-pro photographers. However, Adobe
chose not to update Photoshop Elements for the Mac for a long, long time. The Mac version stayed at 4.0.x while the Windows version was updated several times. Finally, Adobe came out with Elements 6.0 for the Mac–skipping v 5, though (if I recall correctly) it was missing a few features of the Windows version. There was NO reason for this, other than that Adobe didn’t give a damn about Mac users. They also had problems with their RAW converter for Elements 4 that they never fixed. (They said that a particular RAW converter was compatible with Elements 4, but it was not–it caused Elements to crash, often upon launching.) If I could find a substitute for Elements (one that would run the Photoshop plug-ins I use), I’d drop it.

61 airmanchairman { 04.18.10 at 6:41 am }

Yossef { 04.14.10 at 5:02 am }
Good piece Daniel. כל הכבוד Can you rewrite it in Hebrew ?

Better still, can anyone program this blog as a scrolling faux-Hebrew font disappearing into space like the Star Wars intro? And publish it as a link or a video?

LoL! Most hilarious bit was without a doubt is “And Adobe cursed Apple and Steve Jobs and made great noises and gnashed its teeth and ripped its garments apart and scraped its festering boils with shards of pottery. ” Quality, outstanding!

Dan, you are a poet and clown of the highest order…

POP! There go my ribs….

62 dredman { 03.15.11 at 8:12 am }

Lo, what a comely post. Brilliant :)

63 The Mad Cow { 03.18.11 at 6:06 am }

Great post! Thanks for sharing.

64 Quark108 { 11.09.11 at 3:27 pm }

Steve last year:
“Perhaps Adobe should focus more on creating great HTML5 tools for the future, and less on criticizing Apple for leaving the past behind.”

Adobe today (http://blogs.adobe.com/conversations/2011/11/flash-focus.html ):
“HTML5 is now universally supported on major mobile devices, in some cases exclusively,” he said. “This makes HTML5 the best solution for creating and deploying content in the browser across multiple platforms.

“We are excited about this, and will continue our work with key players in the HTML community, including Google, Apple, Microsoft and RIM, to drive HTML 5 innovation they can use to advance their mobile browsers.”

I guess Mr. Jobs was right all along!

65 Inside Apple’s 2011: Steve Jobs’ achievements, battles and crises — RoughlyDrafted Magazine { 01.06.12 at 10:50 pm }

[...] Along with Samsung, Google, HP, RIM, and a variety of other tablet makers had supported Flash in an effort to differentiate their products from Apple’s Flash-free iOS devices. But by the end of the year, Adobe would concede defeat for Flash on mobile products, deferring instead to support the open HTML5 specification as Jobs had recommended years earlier. [...]

66 vectoron { 06.16.13 at 12:44 pm }

You forget a HUGE part of this conflict.

When flash initially added video, they used technology from sorenson, this was the exact same technology Quicktime used. Apple sued sorenson and LOST.

Fast forward, Flash literally took over video on the web completely eclipsing quicktime. This would contribute significantly to Job’s ire.

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